Are we breaking up, broken or losing connection inside and outside the bedroom?
Are you successful in other areas of your life and despite trying really hard to make this relationship work, you just can’t get it right?
If your marriage is costing you your health and happiness, we need to talk. I want to help you create a genuine friendship and deep connection with your husband no matter how high the walls are.
Key issues like resolving conflict, repairing broken trust, understanding each other's sexual needs, keep coming up time and time again. Most therapy sessions entail rehashing the week's fights which only makes things worse. Regurgitating the past is not something anyone wants to do or should do and re-injures everybody. Arguing to the point where all the words have been said, which doesn’t change anything and then going over it over and over again in therapy is not going to change anything at all.
Feeling like everything is all on you and no matter what or how hard you try or give, nothing works.
You need to make a shift.
Whether or not your spouse is on board, you can do this without them. The problem isn’t that they don’t want to participate in therapy, you just need a different approach. Time does not heal all wounds, it actually makes them worse.
You have total control over 50% of your relationship. You also have partial control over his 50%.
Once you upgrade yourself, heal, grow and transform the way you are operating in the relationship, he will begin to change as well. He must and will shift. Do not buy into the idea that you can change him. If you change yourself he will respond. It doesn't matter where your husband is at this point, whether he’s interested or not.
Our wish for someone else to fix things has to go.
You need to start leading and become aligned with who you really are. Advocating on your own behalf will help you love easily. Why? Because building connection starts with fortifying your own love for yourself. How else can you love another person, let alone receive their love?
Truthfully, out of desperation, how often do you defend against or attack him? You create your own reality. The good news is you are responsible for all of it. As is your husband on his side. Realizing you created all of it and taking responsibility means you have your power back. Now we can change it.
Years of emotional dysregulation, childhood trauma, infidelity, PTSD, ADD/ADHD, Anxiety and depression, Porn, eating disorder, drinking…
Who did this? Hard to hear?
The bottom line is that you will be the one to turn things around because you step up to be the leader in your marriage.
Waiting for him to change or “get it”, therapy, marriage retreats, talking it all out, again and again, advice from girlfriends, separation, giving up and accepting pain because you don’t want to break up your family. None of this works except to make you hopeless and sick.
Heal yourself. Build a friendship- be his friend.
When you can care, empathize, see his truth without your baggage getting in the way, he won’t need to attack or defend. He feels seen and heard, understood. He feels safe with you again because you are secure in yourself.
You need to heal yourself first.
When he feels safe he can put his bags down. Both of you can see with total clarity. He knows what’s his and you know what’s yours. You will experience the relief of being heard. You must get on top of your voices. This is part of your baggage and the lens through which you see the world.
By healing yourself you will heal him. He is your other half, you will save each other a lifetime of pain and there is nothing more important than this. When you get this right and heal yourself there will be a power shift in your marriage and it becomes fun again.
Life will begin to flow in and out of the bedroom.
Feeling safe and secure creates limitlessness.
Many women mess this up because while this all sounds great you need a support structure.
That’s where I come in, you need to invest in mentoring.
Everyone should have a mentor. Trying to fix this without a mentor who has been where you are, is going to keep you going around in circles. There is no shame in getting help.
Reading self-help books will only get you so far and keeps all of the concepts theoretical. Practically speaking your thoughts out to a mentor so that you can hear yourself think and actively change your belief system actually works.
Changing your mindset is crucial in being able to change the dynamic of your relationship belief system as it is right now. What you actually need to do and what’s possible needs to be discussed with a mentor, someone who gets you and can help you move forward.
I give a free consultation to see if we click and I can help you.
You will leave the first call with absolute clarity on what we need to do.
Working together, I will identify where you are at and what thoughts and beliefs are holding you back.
I only take clients who want to change their lives, if that’s the case, I will share with you what that will be like and how we will do it.
You must be committed to taking control. You need to be absolutely done with all the pain and disconnection and truly be ready to invest in your own happiness.
Shall we get started?
Book a FREE consultation HERE
